To Each His Own

naralea

This post is dedicated to you.

You, a boy who has to lie to his parents about why you don’t seem to have girlfriend all this time. Who has to smile awkwardly whenever your cousins set you up with women from their offices, college, any place they can think of. A girl who has to sit tight and look pretty when your mother begins the talk is it because of what dad did to mom making you prefer woman instead? a right treatment can cure you, baby, you just have to open up to the possibilities. I want a grandchild. 

You, whose parents are we do not have problems with other people who are LGBTQ+ until our child is one of them.

You, who are born and raised in a religious family but just do not find the salvation and same dedication towards your religion. The more they enforce you, the more you distance yourself because you understand, religion is not something you do because you are afraid of your mom punishing you because you don’t pray; religion is something you do because you trust and you believe. and it takes time to process everything. You, who envy people who seem to have stronger faith towards their religion while you still have some questions and thoughts about it because you think God has spoken but what we hear is His interpreter, and He has a lot of it. 

You, who often ask yourself is it wrong to feel what I feel? am I wrong for being real? am I wrong to feel this? am I wrong to actually have feelings?

You, who feel like this world is not your world. You, who feel lost sometimes – or most of the times. Who feel like you should not be doing what you do now, who hate your own job, college, school, you who hate your own face, your body, your skin. You, who hate your economic status. You, who just feel misplaced.

This post is dedicated to all of you who are happy and unhappy. To you who have life all figured out, and who hope you can just delete everything and start over. I just want to say that everyone has this kind of downtime. Some may have it longer than others, but even the richest person in the world don’t have it all. We won’t have life figured out as told by those self-help books, you know, because

We won’t have it all. Yes, there, I said it.

Because we are not meant to have it all. What we can do is try our best because effort won’t betray. We are not meant to have it all because we are created in pairs – we complete each other. That is why we have friends, spouse, family, even official help – because you are never alone if you just look in the right space.

However, before all of that, you know, in order to make people love you, you have to love yourself first, because I think that is the biggest love of all. Why not? You are the person who understand you the most, who know what can make you happy. Screw those fuckbois and ditch those bitches who mess with your feeling and make you feel like you are not worth to be loved – it is them, not you. Work and study hard so you can live by yourself and bid adieu to your family, but don’t forget to check up on them occasionally because most of the times, blood is thicker than water. Save enough money to move somewhere and start over, or retake your undergraduate study with different major – the one you actually like, the point is – starting from now, please prioritize yourself among everything and everyone else. 

If you love something, you’d do anything to let them live and happy, right? Let’s fall in love with ourselves first, the rest of the world can wait.