How do I say this?

If you ask me to explain it, I won’t be able to do so because to be honest, I don’t understand it myself.

It’s the feeling you have 5 minutes after you drive away from home just to start thinking have you turned off gas before you leave, have you turned that hair straightener off, have you actually closed the door, and all of a sudden all you want to do is just drive back and double check everything even though you know, you did double check everything before you leave.

It’s the feeling when you are just so happy and content with your job in the morning, but all of a sudden you are struck by the thoughts maybe this is not right for me, maybe I actually mess up but they just do not care to tell me, why do I work here and you have to sleep away those thoughts because it usually comes to drafting a resignation email even though you basically make no mistake, at all.

It’s the feeling when you see your bestfriends are hanging out together and you know you can’t actually attend because you are zillion miles away from them but like, what if they start talking about me and just decide to throw me away from the circle because something unreasonable for me but totally makes sense for them?

It’s like when you constantly feel those above combined every day, every hour.