Forgiving myself

I was driving home when my Spotify started playing a song from when I used to date my first boyfriend. Listening to those songs used to send shiver down my spine, but it weirdly got me smiling, reminiscing just how fucking dumb we both were. Looking back, maybe I wouldn’t date me either, so catastrophic! Haha I am not saying he did not make mistakes as well though, we both made mistakes, we both moved on.

I suddenly felt proud, like I had just grown another inch in the ladder of wisdom lol. I actually found it funny, how crazy was I! I spent the last few minutes driving home laughing while reminiscing those moments. I used to think that I had forgiven them and that was enough, turned out I needed to forgive myself first for it to be really okay. I used to be that girl tweeting if I were you I would never let me go yo bitch get off your high horse?! Like right now I can actually think of when did I go wrong. It was like watching YouTube videos of your mistakes while sipping Kirks Creamy Cotton Candy (I am currently addicted to this) and giving commentaries (or mockeries, tbh), accepting that you were at fault as well. This is big for me. I won’t say I am a Leo it would be terror to get me to admit I make mistakes but I did once think my damage was minimum. I used to think I had done everything I could. No surprises here, I did not. I had issues, I know.

Well, the past is a past. This came to my mind at a one random day and it was gone before I even parked my car. I missed my blog this arvo, and I recalled I had this epiphany that I thought would be great being written here. Please do not remind me of any pregnancy-motherhood related posts I said I would but I did not, remember people make mistakes and I am 100% human.