Reading Dilan trilogy, I cried because I understand how it felt to lose someone because you loved him too much. I cried harder reading what he felt.
I always love wholeheartedly, it is either a blessing or a curse. I never dated someone I did not really love, thus I never had any fuck buddy or whatcamacalit because for me, feelings need to be involved. Yes, I am that emotional girl.
I could relate to some of Milea’s actions like forcing Dilan to spend the day with her because she was afraid, or going to the place where he hung out before the storm. There is one thing that I can’t just agree and I guess this is the peak point of their relationship, which is when Milea was not there when Dilan needed her the most during Akew’s death. I had my chance of reacting (when a man I was close with had his senior passed away because of school gang). Although we were not together yet at that moment, I guess if we were to were together (subjunctive mood-ception) I would have (had have? grrah this double entree is a bit confusing lol) cried with him because no matter what, he was broken and devastated. Milea’s action is understandable, but just is not desired, I guess.
Looking back, I have done things ‘in the name of love’ where if I see it now, it was probably
a bit too much.
However, I actually do not really feel sorry for acting that way. You can blame me or fight me or even unlove me, I won’t say sorry for being real.
Love itself is selfish, don’t you think? The desire of having someone being exclusive with you, the urge of owning (and being owned, I see you sub) by someone. These actions in-the-name-of-love are selfish. That is why there is a relationship where two parties need to have some sort of mutual understanding and agreement for in-the-name-of-love actions.
If only Dilan was being honest with Milea, if only Dilan said that her actions were bothering him.
Milea was brave enough to tell Dilan that she only wanted Dilan to be safe, thus her crazy behaviour seemed overprotective. I actually have no idea if she could change or was it really the way she was, but the thing is,
she was not given the chance to change, to adjust, to try.
I think that is the saddest part.
That is why, maybe, maaaaaybe, Milea still thinks about Dilan from time to time.
My first relationship was full of immaturity and childish behaviour (not only me, dude, I know you know it too) but, we were given the chance to reconcile months after the break up and it did not turn out well. That was when I knew we clearly were not made for each other, and we are.
(Oh, what about my second relationship, you asked? We were (I was forced to, to be honest) given zillion chances to try to fix it, but you cannot repair a broken heart with only bandages I guess. There is no way in hell we are made for each other LOL I honestly do not care if I am being rude!)
However, after all, the books are situated in high school era, where we were young and dumb and foolish; times where we acted like we knew our future.
What makes it so special is the fact that it was that relationship that scars you but also defines you the most.
These book left a bittersweet taste for me. It got me reminiscing my old fling, my mistakes, my innocence. It was like a retrospective. It taught us that timing is such a bitch and communication is freaking vital.
Because the biggest broken heart usually let you know what should you look for in the greatest relationship you will ever had.