I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last week, but this post won’t be talking about that.
Yesterday I had a lovely visit from Maternal & Child Health nurses and for once, I actually believe in myself to raise this bub on our own without having to fly my family here. Here in Oz we always have supports and helps! When I told the nurses about how I was told I was not producing enough milk for bub, they immediately told me to ignore that rudeness and they also provided factual reasons that can contribute to bub losing weight that was STILL in the normal range. They kept encouraging me that I feed him enough from the look of his color & his wet nappies & that they will always be there to guide me in every way. I honestly wanted to hug them and cry a bit lol :p
The interesting part from yesterday is husband opened our home to visitors, and the first ones were his bestfriends.
Can you guess what is the first sentence coming out from his friend’s mouth?
You look like a whale
His wife immediately responded with ‘yeah Nara wasn’t this puffy and swollen before? She’s swollen after giving birth? Look at her lips?’
I smiled, and said ‘yeah it was because I was on IV all day during my epidural and this is the remaining fluid’. After that, I went to my room and nursed bub because he was crying. Phew thank God, at least one of us got to cry easily.
I stayed in my room and called my husband to bring my phone. I then said to him please make them leave. He was like wut? don’t kid. finish your nursing and come back outside. I ignored him and only came back 10 minutes prior to them leaving.
After they left, I told husband I did not like the way they spoke. However, my husband, as always, just brushed it off and told me they were kidding, you were being oversensitive, blahblah and to be honest, I was too tired to explain to him the basic decency of not being an asshole to other people in relation to their figures. Up until this point I do believe he still thinks I am being oversensitive, and despite all the readings and references and quotes from other people& sources I can actually give him, I think I’ll pass and just call him out this way. It is really hard to explain this for the second time without crying, because if I cry, he will just be more convinced that I am being oversensitive. So here’s to you, babe, thank you for not standing up for me.
Meanwhile, for them, I no longer have words. As far as I can remember, I never once said something hurtful about their physical appearances. Or even insulting in general, because they are way older than me and I had always respected them. This time, I honestly think they have crossed the line.
I just do not get the idea of saying something like that especially to a new mom who’s not even 10 days postpartum? What was on their mind? What’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with my husband brushing my hurt easily like that? Since when it is considered okay to talk like that? I am way younger than you all, is that a reason to think it’s okay to stomp on me like that?
How did you expect me to react? Haha I know, my body is disgusting like a whale? or Yeah I guess I turned to a fatso a little too late, eh?
Do you want me to hate my body that has endured 9 months of massive changes and actually carried a tiny human inside me?
Do you want me to spiral into depression to think how swollen I am right now because I suffer post natal edema instead of patting myself on the back because I just grew and pushed a tiny human?
There are a lot of hurtful things I can say to attack but to be honest, I just want you to know that it is not okay to say things like that to anyone and I also want to thank you for all the times spent together because to be honest, I cannot see myself surrounded by your kind of people in the future and I do not know how to be OK the next time we see each other so