It was a wild ride.
There is always something sentimental about age period like teens, twenties, thirties, or is it just me? Like when I had my 29th last year (ah this is exciting) I was hit by the fact that this is my last year of being twenty something. What the fuck? Where did time go by? So I kinda promised myself that all leftover feelings from childhood gaslight, blurred filial piety, abandonment issue, basically all that haunt my sleep (and sometimes, my awake time) just need to be disposed of. I shall embrace new age period with grace and peace so I kinda need to ditch some, if not all, mental baggages that cost me A$340 every damn month (no hard feeling for you doc you awesome x)
So I kinda treat 2021 as a stepping stone. 2020 was a shitshow, we all been there, I left 2020 broken, so 2021 was me rebuilding my own self. What helped is the fact that my PR application was granted (yay yours truly is now Oz permanent resident!) so my life was no longer put on pause. I started working again, I was in charge of my own life again (financially), and that made all the differences in the world (mine). Being the child-bearing party in a legally committed relationship is terrifying, especially if you’re not drowning in (old) money. As much as I am a simp for Bonbon, I still need my safety parachute. Proving my point was at one point last year, my dad got covid but his heart disease made it worse, he had to be hospitalised stat. I was so lucky to have a sister working in a hospital so she could squeeze my dad in as a private patient, which cost an arm and leg (and kidney) lol I kinda spent almost all my savings then. He came through, that’s all that matters. I can always start saving money again (this year bcs last year was sad).
But yeah, 2021 was interesting in a way that made me find myself again, starting from scratch. I made new friends, lose some, had to cancel my trip back to Indonesia, moved to a house, had my own work room, finally bought iPad (after YEARS of longing), and finally could stay ignorant to bloods who hurt me, and not blamed myself because of it. I don’t lose sleep over losing them, I actually had better sleep now!
I spent NYE sleeping because me and NYE just do not get along, like ever. Can’t remember the last time I had an actual decent NYE event? Not missing it as well, though. I love sleeping. I love my bed. Then Jan (called and) texted wishing a happy new year (bcs she and Div claimed they were celebrating NY in Korean timezone pfft) and I just thanked her for staying alive and (almost) making it through 30! God knows we meant it when we said it was unpredictable we managed to stay alive till now, we really really meant it.
My goal for this year is just to be more alive, like live a little more life, if that makes sense. These past two years I was struggling to stay alive, and now that things start to calm down, let’s just improve the quality, yeah? Baby steps, eh no, toddler steps! Baby step is so 2021, right? :p
Happy New Year folks! (As if anyone actually read this l0l)